Limbo

I have not really written all that much on this blog. The last two months have just been busy and I find myself struggling to get anything done. Granted, I know this is pretty normal when you have a newborn in the house. Still, I feel as I am in a state of limbo. Let me explain:

We have reached a point where we are unsure as to where we are going to be in the next few months. I am struggling to find a job. There just are not any jobs out their right now. Combine a poor job market with a bachelor degree that no one understands and poor language skills in the native language and the chances of finding a job is hopeless.  Because of this I have decided to start over with schooling. The program I have applied for is 3 hours away. I still do not know if I have gotten accepted yet, and the program starts at the end of August. So we need to move, and soon.

We have decided to move to the city where the school is regardless whether I get into school or not. The location is much closer to my husbands family and being a much larger city the job prospects for both of us are much better. So, we have been on the search for an apartment. We are hoping to find out about the perfect apartment this week. There is a downfall to this perfect apartment though, we have to take it for June 1st, but we have to stay here until the middle of July. Hello double rent.

Another issue I am having is language lessons. I am currently enrolled in an online program because I can't attend the normal classes because I need to be home with JJ. That is all fine and dandy, however, I am having a really hard time finding a chance to sit down and do the mandatory assignments. I feel that I just have not been able to put time amount of time I need and I am just not getting the language.

Between not getting the language and not being able to find any sort of job I feel really incompetent. I have almost reached a point to where I want to move back to Canada. I am at a point where I have a really hard time picturing any future right now. I am sure the exhaustion of feeding a baby numerous times at night and the fact that we are suffering from yet another cold is not helping either.

All of this had been weighing heavily on me and I finally had a break down about it on the weekend. I told my husband how I felt, and I cried. It felt good. Just talking about it and admitting my frustrations helped a lot. I am still feeling down about a lot of it. However, I am trying to look at it another way. I am working on getting excited about moving. I am looking at our move as a fresh start. New city, new people, and hopefully either a new job or a new program. I think the change will be good for me.